{"id":432,"date":"2015-09-04T17:12:00","date_gmt":"2015-09-04T21:12:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/reach.lndo.site\/what-are-you-willing-to-give-up-to-stay-safe\/"},"modified":"2023-05-22T17:50:39","modified_gmt":"2023-05-22T21:50:39","slug":"what-are-you-willing-to-give-up-to-stay-safe","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/reachma.org\/blog\/what-are-you-willing-to-give-up-to-stay-safe\/","title":{"rendered":"What are You Willing to Give Up to Stay Safe?"},"content":{"rendered":"

I love my job. I make decent money and am slowly saving up to be able to afford an apartment on my own. I\u2019m good at what I do and I feel a sense of accomplishment when I do it well. My coworkers are my friends and they have been so supportive of me through everything I\u2019ve been through.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s just one problem: my abusive ex-boyfriend knows where I work.<\/p>\n

What do I do? Do I quit? Try to start over at a new job, making considerably less money, where I\u2019ll be the new person learning the ropes? I\u2019ve been there, done that. Worked hard to get to where I am at my current job. I already left my old apartment because he kept showing up, do I have to leave my job too? So much of my life feels out of control, but when I\u2019m at work I know what I\u2019m doing and how to solve the problems that come up. I already feel so alone \u2013 I can\u2019t imagine starting over at a new place and having to be the new kid on the block, not knowing anyone and having to make new friends all over again. Maybe I should just take my chances\u2026<\/p>\n

************<\/p>\n

I have a good life. I live in a decent house, with three beautiful children and a hyper but loveable rescue dog we adopted 6 years ago. I volunteer at my kids\u2019 school, go to church on the weekends, and enjoy unwinding with a glass of wine at my book club with friends on Tuesday nights.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s just one problem: lately when we fight, my husband ends up hitting me.<\/p>\n

What do I do? I\u2019ve confided in my closest friends and they all tell me I should leave. \u201cIt\u2019s getting worse.\u201d \u201cYou have to get out, there are places that can help. Go to a shelter.\u201d But I\u2019ve called around looking for shelter space, just out of curiosity one day when I was feeling really down. They all said the same thing: we\u2019re full, try back later. One place said they might have an opening and we talked a little bit about what would be involved. Did you know if I leave to go to shelter I can\u2019t tell anyone where I live? I\u2019d have to uproot my kids, I\u2019m not even sure if I can take the dog with me. And who knows what kind of other people I\u2019d be living in close proximity to. He\u2019s the one who\u2019s beating me, why should I have to leave? My church, my book club, volunteering at the school \u2013 what, do I leave that all behind? No, no I don\u2019t think I\u2019m that desperate. Yet\u2026<\/p>\n

************<\/p>\n

I\u2019m getting ready to leave shelter and move into subsidized housing. But I\u2019m pretty sure my ex-boyfriend will be looking for me. The shelter advocates have been talking to me about options to keep him from finding me, including one through the state where they provide me with a mailing address and then forward my mail to me.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s just one problem: If I do this, I won\u2019t have a real address.<\/p>\n

What do I do? It may not sound like a big deal, but not having a real address means I can\u2019t register to vote (at least not right away), can\u2019t get packages delivered, can\u2019t get a credit card\u2026and anything else that you use your real address for in the course of your daily life. I\u2019ve always been politically aware and exercising my right to vote is really important to me. It\u2019s why my grandparents came to this country. I\u2019ve given up a lot over the past few years to stay safe, but I don\u2019t know if I\u2019m ready to give that up.<\/p>\n

From the outside looking in, it can be easy to judge survivors for what might seem like easy choices. But when it\u2019s your job, your kids, your dog, your safety on the line, those choices get a lot more complex. These stories are just a few examples of what we call \u201ctradeoffs.\u201d Having to give up something in some area of your life \u2013 often something that gives you a sense of mastery or social connectedness \u2013 in order to stay physically safe. REACH advocates work with survivors to help navigate these and many other tradeoffs and to plan for safety<\/a>. If you or someone you know needs help talking about choices like this, call our hotline at 1-800-899-4000.To support the work that REACH advocates do to help survivors, click here<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n

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I love my job. I make decent money and am slowly saving up to be able to afford an apartment on my own. I\u2019m good at what I do and I feel a sense of accomplishment when I do it well. My coworkers are my friends and they have been so supportive of me through everything I\u2019ve been through. 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