After nearly 20 years at REACH, our Associate Executive Director Deborah Heimel is moving on to continue the values-based work which has made her such an invaluable part of our ongoing mission to support domestic violence survivors. We’re sad to see her go, but we also know she’ll shine bright in all her future endeavors. Deb was kind enough to write the following reflections piece looking back on her time at REACH and the important lessons she’ll carry forward with her.
I love reading mystery books. But in 2020, I couldn’t concentrate. Near the end of the year, though, I started being able to read again, and I discovered a murder mystery series by author Louise Penny. In a six-month period in late 2020 and early 2021, I read all 15 books in the series. These books immediately resonated with me as books about leadership within the realm of fiction. In the first novel in the series and then throughout the others, Penny’s main character Armand Gamache teaches his colleagues four things that lead to wisdom: "They are four sentences we learn to say, and mean… I don't know. I need help. I'm sorry. I was wrong.”
It was 2020, so it was easy to forget that I knew this already. In 2020 I often felt overwhelmed and uncertain. I didn’t know what to do but I had to act anyway. In reading Penny’s books, I was reminded that I knew how to be, and that was what was needed. Quietly reading on my couch, I was transported to a place to ponder what integrity looks like, the value of bearing witness, and the power of relationships. My return to reading happened because I found characters with conviction and heart who offered the encouragement that I needed at that time.
Our work at REACH is all about healthy relationships, and in many ways, we do the same thing, every day, that Penny’s fictional world did for me in 2020. We envision different social norms where everyone knows love and respect in all their relationships, and where we are part of a community that sees us for our strengths and humanity. We are fighting against abuse - AND we are fighting for a world where we take the time to be with each other with authenticity and grace. In this world, we admit when we don’t know something (“I don’t know”), we ask for support (“I need help”), we own up to mistakes we make, even if they weren’t intentional (“I’m sorry”, and “I was wrong”).
This involves a lot of self-awareness. I started at REACH in 2005, and after 19 years it’s bittersweet to be saying farewell. As I look back on these two decades, I am amazed at what I have learned and who this incredible REACH community has helped me to personally become. Being immersed in these conversations every day for 19 years has literally changed me. I am immensely grateful for that gift. I have gained skills in being able to be present in conversations where I am uncomfortable, hear honest feedback, and act with curiosity. Make no mistake, I have much work still to do, but healthy relationships demand this ongoing work of us.
As our friends at Growing A New Heart teach us, we must live Values of Equity and Respect. These are actionable values that demand our self-reflection but are achievable in all our relationships, whether personal or professional. Every time we train new volunteers and staff, we include several hours on tangible skill development such as active listening. I have participated in this training dozens of times and every time I think, “oh right, I can do better.”
REACH developed that voice in me, living the values we know to be values that support survivors of domestic violence. For two decades it has been my privilege to help cultivate that voice within other people and within our organizational orbit. I know these values will live on.
Integrity matters, witness matters, relationships matter. May we support each other in living values of equity and respect every day.