Special thanks to Lisa Daigle who wrote the following piece based on her experience as a REACH volunteer.
For those who may be unfamiliar with the Invisible String Theory (first presented in the children’s book ‘The Invisible String’ by Patrice Karst), it basically posits that people can be connected to other people or organizations by an unbreakable, invisible string. At some point, destiny prevails, the stars align, and the person and the organization (or other person) come together.
I feel that way about REACH. When I was ready to volunteer again, I knew I wanted to help in the field of domestic violence. I did a Google search and up came REACH, and I felt the invisible string become visible. From my very first conversation with REACH’s Director of Volunteers, and with every interaction thereafter, the shared values, experiences, and ways of relating I fostered have created meaning and provided me with opportunities for growth, connection, and a deeper understanding of myself and others.
If you think you might want to volunteer for REACH, the online training program is comprehensive, well designed, and delivered by compassionate professionals who are deeply committed to their work. The training is not solely focused on domestic violence. It also delves into the essential tenets of healthy relationships, teaching vital skills and concepts which can in turn help participants strengthen their relationships not just with survivors but also with friends, family, and romantic partners.
The training and ongoing volunteer opportunities especially helped me deepen my ability to “hold the space” by being more fully present so the person I’m talking with feels heard, understood, and validated, especially during difficult or vulnerable times.
In my personal life, I recently sat at the lunch table with a woman who had left her abusive husband. While I’ve listened to DV stories before, it felt different this time since I’d absorbed the lessons of REACH’s excellent training program, events, and volunteer connections. Prior to REACH, I would’ve found myself thinking, “I wonder what happened.” Akin to listening to someone with cancer, our minds tend to form questions (what kind of cancer, when and how did the person discover it, what type of treatment are they getting, etc.).
Certainly, when I first started volunteering, questions ran through my mind, although I would never ask or create even the smallest opening for a discussion. With the passage of time, I am now able to see the survivors I speak with in a “people first” light. Their stories of experiencing DV are not the entirety of their life story, nor are they the sole thing that defines their life when I speak to them. With the woman at the lunch table, I saw her as a person first and foremost.
I also found myself better able to not just listen, but to also respond to the woman at the lunch table thanks to my REACH training. “Sounds like he has shown up for the kids.” “Your part-time job, while not your ideal job, has given you a purpose.” “That’s great.” When I channeled the empathetic approach REACH imparted onto me, I found that these reflective responses came easily and naturally.
When I first started the training, I remember I’d often hear the phrase “survivors are the experts in their own lives.” While talking with the woman at lunch, I recognized the importance of that phrase and why it’s such a key part of REACH’s approach towards survivor empowerment. Prior to the training, I’m not sure I would have been able to see that kind of strength within a person or known how to give them the space to feel comfortable speaking with me. My ability to make space for the internal strength of others also served me well while volunteering for other REACH initiatives like the Holiday Gift Program.
The importance of active listening, reflecting with our words and compassionate expression, and banishing any judgment from our minds is central to conversations like the one I had with the woman at the lunch table. Survivors don’t need more advice than what they’re already getting, especially when they’re not actively asking for it! What survivors truly need is to be heard in their own words.
Circling back around, the invisible string is a symbol of hope. It reminds us that empathy and compassion are two important parts of our journey’s path. REACH has led me to forge countless connections of empathy and compassion, and the ease of belonging that I feel from making such connections has brought deeper meaning to my life.
The strength of the string and the way it never breaks can also bring hope to people who have experienced domestic violence. We can be there for them, whether to provide services, teach them skills, or merely hold the space for them to share their own experiences. We can help survivors feel seen. We can make the invisible string visible.
