At REACH, one important aspect of how we do our work is recognizing that domestic violence survivors are the experts of their own lives, and that there is no clear-cut “template” for the healing journeys they embark on once they decide to leave their abusive relationships. Some survivors turn to their family members and loved ones when they need support, others find strength in the communal groups and one on one advocacy services that REACH offers. For Nina Freeman, a game designer and co-founder of the nonprofit organization Code Liberation, the journey to healing took an unexpected yet also not totally surprising direction.
She developed a video game.
Finding Meaning in the Mundane
In 2021, Freeman released a game called Last Call which she’d written, designed, and coded herself (her husband, Jake Jefferies, helped develop the game’s art assets). Described as “an autobiographical poem-exploration game about love and violence,” Last Call’s subject matter is based on Freeman’s own lived experience of having been in an abusive relationship when she was younger.
The game is set within the confines of an apartment filled with packed up moving boxes. The “narrator” (a stand-in for Freeman) explains that she and her boyfriend have broken up after a long, tumultuous relationship where he was both emotionally and physically abusive, and now she’s in the process of moving out. As the player explores the apartment, they’re drawn to specific boxes through both visual and audio cues, and as they look through and close each box they can read poem stanzas chronicling the couple’s time together, and how it ultimately turned abusive.
Freeman was gracious enough to speak with me over email about Last Call, discussing what led her to develop the game in the first place. “When I first started working on Last Call, it actually wasn't a game at all -- it was a poem. I wanted to write a poem about my experience with domestic violence in a previous relationship, as a way to help myself process things and heal. After I wrote the poem, I remember reading it and thinking that it'd be satisfying to use as the basis for a game.”
Elaborating further, Freeman said this is typical for her; using poems as inspiration for the games she develops, since her academic background is in poetry. In particular, she’s often drawn to the more personal poems written by poets like Elizabeth Bishop, Frank O'Hara and Langston Hughes, which in turn influences the more personal nature of her game development process.
Giving Voice to (and through) the Player
One of Last Call’s more unique design elements is how it incorporates input from the player, specifically their voice. The player is encouraged (but not required) to play the game with a microphone plugged in. As they read each stanza, the player is presented with a selection of affirmative responses such as “tell me more,” “I’m listening,” “I believe you,” and “I hear you” (among others), and if they have a microphone they can actually advance the game by saying one of those responses out loud.
Freeman mentioned in our conversation that the vocal prompts are one of the more experimental gameplay aspects she’s worked with. However, she also explained why they’re so integral to the experience of playing Last Call. “Truthfully, I wanted the player to do more than just read the poem. I wanted them to hear and acknowledge the truth of my story, and the abuse I survived. I wanted to make a game that would help the player feel almost like they're a friend sitting with me, nodding and responding as I tell them the story over a coffee.”
Freeman’s desire to be heard and acknowledged makes perfect sense within the larger context of the work that REACH (and organizations like it) does. We know that survivors often aren’t looking for advice or for someone to swoop in and fix all their problems, they just want someone to listen to and acknowledge their story without judgement.
Before she’d even started working on Last Call, Freeman had shared her experiences with abuse on social media, but she recalls how unsatisfying and impersonal it ultimately felt. “Despite lots of people reaching out and responding with their best wishes, I felt unfulfilled. Every like and share I saw felt impersonal. I kept wondering if people were reading my story, leaving a like, and then just... walking away without really thinking about the reality of the abuse I experienced.”
While developing Last Call, Freeman says that she knew she needed some way to turn active listening and acknowledgement into a gameplay mechanic, and vocal prompts felt like a good fit. “I realized that, for Last Call to be the game I wanted it to be, I needed players to engage actively with the poem somehow, beyond just reading it. My desire for that human-to-human acknowledgement and connection is what led to the vocal prompt mechanic.”
The Fires We Carry Together
Being a video game, Last Call leverages both visual and audio elements to striking effect. The open boxes the player has yet to interact with have pastel stop-motion flames erupting from them. Meanwhile, soft, haunting whispers provide an audio cue to help draw the player to the next box they can interact with. When the game starts, the apartment is dark and ominous, but as the player reads poems and closes boxes, the windows become uncovered and the entire space starts to brighten, representing the healing the narrator is going through as she packs up her past and moves forward.
When I asked her about these visual and audio elements, Freeman happily admitted that many of them weren’t even her ideas, but rather the ideas of her husband, Jake, a talented artist and fellow game designer. “We make games together, and he's actually really the person that encouraged me to make Last Call in the first place. I had prototyped it on my own, and was a bit nervous about finishing the game because I honestly hadn't fully healed from my experience of abuse in that previous relationship. It was sometimes overwhelming to work on, especially when I was working on it alone. Jake knows that I thrive while writing and making, and encouraged me to keep making it, and joined me to help out.”
Domestic violence survivors often find that the healing journey is easier when they have people in their life who can provide support when it’s needed and space when it’s required. When she spoke about her husband Jake, I could tell how grateful Freeman was to have him by her side, not only for the creative input he contributed to Last Call but also for the encouragement he provided whenever she struggled. “I'm really thankful I had his support, or it may have been a lot harder for me to finish the project. I heal best with the support of loved ones, and he took that role very seriously. Jake took a lot of time and care to understand my intentions, and brought them to life in the aesthetic of the game. He knows my story well, and he really did bring my feelings to life visually, with careful feedback and iteration throughout our process working together.”
Embracing Community to Heal the Individual
To close out our conversation, I asked Freeman if she had any personal lessons or words of affirmation she wanted to share after her experience developing Last Call. She admitted feeling shame about the abuse she endured (as survivors often do), but she also knew she couldn’t just keep those feelings hidden away. “Before I made Last Call, I struggled with this sense that I was sometimes hiding something, because I was afraid to talk to people about what it was like being abused. I had a lot of shame around my experience. Therapy helped a lot, of course, but writing and creating helped me figure out what I was looking for on a deeper level.”
Once again, Freeman’s words reaffirmed the philosophy that REACH uses when working with survivors; that the connections we forge with others when we share our experiences can help us heal in ways we did not expect. “Making Last Call taught me that feeling seen, heard and understood is important to me. I don't think my road to recovering from abuse is fully dependent on other people acknowledging my story, but it is a part of it, and that's ok. It's ok to want other people's support and attention after a traumatizing relationship. No one should have to recover alone if they don't want to. Recovering from abuse is a different journey for everyone, of course, but that's the conclusion I came to.”
Making a video game might seem like an unorthodox approach towards healing from an abusive relationship, but as Freeman explained, her ultimate goal in developing Last Call was offering yet another way for anyone going through a similar experience to feel the sense of connection and understanding they might be longing for. “I hope that hearing my personal story resonates with someone. If anything I've said helps a fellow survivor feel seen or understood, I'd be absolutely elated. Abuse and recovering from it can be such an isolating experience, and I can only hope that my story eases that burden for even one person out there... that would be a win for me.”
*Special thanks to Nina Freeman for contributing to this piece. You can learn more about her and the games she has developed over at her personal webpage ‘Nina Says So.’ You can also download and play Last Call over at Itch.io. If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse, you can call REACH’s 24-hour hotline at 800-899-4000.
