February is nationally recognized as Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month (TDVAM), a time for raising awareness around teen dating violence and promoting advocacy and education to help prevent dating violence before it starts. In support of TDVAM 2026, the following blog post addresses the growing influence of technology in teens’ lives and explains how adults and peers can help keep teens safe while also being supportive and respectful of their boundaries.
To an outside observer, the ways in which today’s teens use technology to communicate can sometimes seem like a foreign language. Texting shorthand, inside jokes, memes, and the proliferation of various social media platforms (each with their own terminology and shorthand) all come together to form a complex communication web that most teens seem to skate through with ease. For adults, however, gaining even a basic understanding of this communication web can be a massive undertaking, especially as new platforms and behaviors take the spotlight and old ones fall out of favor.
Thankfully, supporting a teen in your life and making sure they’re staying safe in this new technology-driven world doesn’t require becoming an expert in the technology they use. Many of the same principles which factor into teen dating violence awareness (communication, respect, self-awareness, a willingness to listen and to believe, etc.) also apply when it comes to technology and potential cases of technology abuse.
Encourage Communication on Their Terms
In a similar mantra to how we support survivors of domestic violence, it’s important to remember that teens are the experts of their own lives. It can be tempting to take an “I’m the adult, so I know best” stance, especially if you’re the teen’s parent and/or worried that they’re being subjected to controlling or abusive behavior from their partner. However, doing so will only push them away or, worse, lead them to see their abusive partner as the more reasonable party.
A much more effective way to communicate with teens about technology safety is to meet them on their terms. Let them know you’re available to listen to any concerns they might have, but don’t push the issue. If there are any particular social media platforms or mobile apps they frequently use, do a little research on your own time to familiarize yourself with those apps and platforms. Again, the goal isn’t to become an expert, it’s to help build bridges of understanding if and when your teen wants to talk to you about tech-related dating issues they might be having.
Discuss How Technology Affects Consent, Communication, and Boundaries
Talking about subjects like consent and boundaries as they relate to “IRL” (In Real Life) relationships is one thing, but addressing those subjects as they relate to *technology-based* relationships might warrant a different approach.
Much as with IRL relationships, it’s important for teens to understand that the relationships they cultivate through technology (be they friendships, professional connections, or romantic partners) shouldn’t make them feel unsafe. Consent and boundaries don’t suddenly stop applying just because the communication is happening through a screen.
Here are a few potential talking points you can bring up if a teen in your life asks how they can effectively establish consent and boundaries in their technology-based relationships:
- Technology can be handy for helping people stay in frequent contact, but just because you can be in frequent contact with a person doesn’t mean you *have* to be. A friend or romantic partner who demands constant communication and check-ins isn’t “showing how much they care,” they’re exhibiting controlling behavior.
- Boundaries aren’t a buzzkill, they’re an important part of ensuring all parties in a relationship feel safe and respected. There’s nothing wrong with asking your partner not to text or call you during certain hours, or to ask for space if you feel you need it. A friend or partner who truly cares about you will have no issues respecting the boundaries you set.
- “Hanging out” online (such as in a video call or over a platform like Zoom or Discord) can be more convenient than coordinating an IRL meetup, but too much screen time can be detrimental to a teen’s mental health. Gentle encouragement to occasionally step away from the screens can help teens maintain their mental well-being.
- A romantic partner asking for sensitive technology-facing info (such as account passwords or location sharing) is a potential red flag that shouldn’t be ignored. There’s no reason why a romantic partner should have access to your teen’s accounts, and there should be a good reason why your teen is sharing their location with their partner (such as while traveling or in case of an emergency).
Model the Healthy Relationships You Want Them to Pursue
These days, it’s not just teens who are frequently using technology. Smartphones, tablets, and laptops have become staple accessories for many adults as well, helping us in both our personal and professional lives. If you want your teen to practice good habits when it comes to technology and healthy relationships, it’s important to model those good behaviors as best you can.
Choosing to have IRL conversations, doing activities which don’t require a screen, and making the time to see friends and family are all things that the teens in your life will pick up on (even if they’re pretending not to). If a teen sees you as a potential role model who practices what they preach, they’ll be more open to approaching you with any issues they might be having, technology-based or otherwise.
Understand the Difference Between Helpful and Unhelpful Safety Planning
If a teen in your life expresses concern about their partner’s behavior, either IRL or via technology such as texting or video chatting, how you react in the moment can make a big difference. Telling the teen what to do is rarely helpful. It’s often better to start by asking questions like “what is happening?”, “how can I help?”, and “who else knows this is happening?”.
Remember, when it comes to technology and navigating online spaces, teens often know a lot more than they initially let on. One of the best ways to help a teen safety plan is by working with them to ensure they achieve their desired outcome. Providing support and helping a teen work through the issues they’re encountering can empower them to recognize harmful behaviors and retake the control they might feel they’ve lost.
Additional Resources for Addressing Teen-Focused Technology Abuse
Safety Net Project – Teens and Technology Toolkit
